so explain again why im purple
no
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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