Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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