i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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