that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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