Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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