i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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