just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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