I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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