I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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