The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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