I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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