I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize