you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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