One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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