Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize