Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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