that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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