Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize