I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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