it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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