You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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