Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize