Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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