you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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