Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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