is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize