I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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