because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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