So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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