I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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