Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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