FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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