My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize