So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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