there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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