I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize