I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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