i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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