i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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