Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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