i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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