I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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