my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize