Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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