Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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