This is not my ceiling
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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