You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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