i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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