can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you would pick up someone in the library
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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