i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize