I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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