i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize