There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize